Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
