CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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