Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
