I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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