I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
