I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
