Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im holly from the hills drunk
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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