I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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