Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
