i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
