Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
