just tell him i said nine months
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
