i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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