i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
