I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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