my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
