but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
