NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
