glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
