I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
