Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
