FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
