Kareoke will never be a sober sport
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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