and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
