I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
