you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
