all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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