I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
