We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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