some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
this boner is exhausting
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
