I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
