An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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