His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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