Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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