i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Sober January is a disaster.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
