someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
