you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
