I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
