Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he thought i was a dude.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
