Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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