I wish i was in the wii world.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
