They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
