do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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