I wanna bring you to show and tell
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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