i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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