I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
