There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
