I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
