Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need to align my fucking chakras
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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