awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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