ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
